I am happy to report that I am happy.

Hope springs eternal. Hope makes me happy. Without Hope, I am sad.

So, I have welcomed Hope into my home. I love her. She is beautiful and sweet and loving and an awesome guest. She tells me wonderful things about myself and I believe her.




On another note, my sister thinks that I am "being ugly" when I am not happy for other people getting pregnant. She thinks that I shouldn't expect others to monitor their happiness or good news because of my sensitivities.

When I keep thinking about something, I believe that I need to investigate it further. So, I need to examine this.

If I had breast cancer, should I expect everyone around me to not mention breasts or bras or lactating? Would that mean that they are being insensitive? For how long should others be sensitive because of my trials?

If I lost my spouse, should I expect everyone around me to not mention their husband or marriage or engagement?

If I had a painful divorce, should I expect everyone around me to not mention their loves?

Perhaps I am being too sensitive. Perhaps I do expect too much of others around me.

I find that people whisper about births or don't mention someone's "good news" and I find out about things later now that I am "infertilely outed".

If I had breast cancer or lost my spouse or had a painful divorce, it would be unreasonable of me to expect everyone to be sensitive to my particular predicament.

That leads me to believe that it is unreasonable to be infertile and expect others to not talk about pregnancies and births and babies.

However, HOWEVER......... it still hurts when I hear of someone else's fertile news.

I cannot explain it. I cannot rationalize it.

I don't know what the answer is, I only know how I feel.

I do not want to hear about what eludes me.

I will not squash my feelings only because I cannot articulate my pain. I know that I feel a stab in my heart when I hear of pregnancies and I always hold the messenger responsible for my heartache.

Perhaps, I should start pretending but that is not my nature.

In the meantime, I don't want people in my real life to tell me about pregnancies or births or anything baby-related because I will find them to be incredibly insensitive and cruel.

I don't care if I am being unreasonable. If you love me, you should know.