So I am off to Palm Springs with my best friend.

I wish we were renting a convertible and driving with our heads in scarves and cool JackieO sunglasses. Wouldn't that be cool? I'll give my first injections to myself at 10:00 a.m. while riding down the freeway. Great way to initiate myself I think!

The rest of my injections will be in a cabana with a pool boy watching perhaps?

As I said before, my best friend Uta is here from Florida because of the Hurricane mess and my husband has offered to send us to Palm Springs for a few days. Before you start thinking how absolutely perfect M. sounds, I should tell you that we are completely getting on his nerves, talking and talking and talking. He travels a lot and gets free nights at resorts so he is giving us some of his free night stays. Not that I'm not grateful!

My lovely M. did say for me to get a nice stone massage ( I LOVE stone massages - they are awesome!). I am still trying to talk him into a day of beauty. He is not going for it. Looks like a stone massage is it. FINE! Baby steps. Baby steps people. I'll work on him a bit more from my cell phone when he starts to miss me a bit more. I sound like a bitch don't I?

Before you say yes, you should know that I cater to my husband. DO NOT LET YOUR HUSBANDS READ ANY FURTHER!!!! DO NOT READ OUT LOUD!!!! I cook a home cooked meal and serve M. dinner every night. I take him his plate and I retrieve his plate after he has finished his meal. He treats me like a queen though, opens doors for me etc... so I will cater to him as long as he holds up his end of the bargain.

So.........back to my injections. I start tomorrow. I am going to be injecting myself this time. The first IVF I had help. My neighbor who is a NP gave me all of my injections. She is now pregnant and showing, before, she was pregnant with morning sickness. Something about her giving me my injections while complaining of how absolutely ill she was that makes me not want her to help me again.

The only injection I gave myself last time resulted in a HUGE bruise on my stomach for THREE WEEKS! I could be dramatic and call it a hematoma but I don't think it was quite that bad. I can tell you that I hated looking at that bruise for 2 1/2 weeks after my hellacious failure. It was like sticking needles in my eyes to see that left-over bruise. I was completely and profoundly devastated after my IVF failure.

Shhhhhhhhh..... I am really very very scared. I am trying to be so brave and positive and perfect. I need to be brave and positive and am stepping up to the plate. Deep, deep down I am very scared of my life if final IVF#2 is a failure. I will have to see my life motherless. We will not adopt. I will go into that later. It will be a long post. That post is in my head and I will organize it better while I am in IVF#2 hell. IVF#2 hell will now be called Pollyanna#2. IVF#2 will NOT fail because I was scared or stressed. IVF#2 will fail only because God does not want me to have children. I am stepping up to the plate and ready to perform. I am entering my famous pool of calm. I am in the warm water, my husband is my concrete protecting me from the idiots of the world and from stress and I am getting ready to get on my raft.

I need to relax and drift and drink lots of water, get plenty of rest and let my beautiful ovaries do their thing. I will walk slowly and I will caress my belly. I will talk to my beautiful eggs and encourage them to be strong. I will be the motherly lioness that gives them hope and makes them want to live. They have quite the struggle ahead of them. I am their energy and their strength.

So! CHEERS to IVF#2! *clink* *clink* (quoting Marla)




















P.S. To Jen. I don't how to respond to you. I am new to this blog world and the email that I got about your post was "anonymous poster" so I am quite sure it would not get to you. You wrote:

"Okay, I have a question, but first let me tell you about the similarities. I too am undergoing IVF @ Stanford and have had a run in with one very nasty woman. Coincidence? This is our first and only bout with IVF. Tomorrow my husband & I are going in so he can learn how to give me those lovely little injections. : ) What ever it takes! Right?

I am sorry that you had to deal with such a thoughtless person. I pray that you are given one, two, three babies and you all live happily ever after.

Much love,
Jen "

It is truly a coincidence! To be honest, none of the nurses knock my socks off, I think deep down they are confused as well. The nurse I call "Dumbass" is in charge of ovum donor (SCARY!) so I doubt you will have to deal with her. I think the nurses are stressed and busy and aren't trained well. Try to stay calm. The doctors are fantastic and the embryologists are second to none. I researched a lot and the embryologists at Stanford are AWESOME and that is really what is important. I would love to get together with you sometime if you wish. I will be going that way a lot the next 2 weeks. When do you start IVF? It is very scary when it is the "final" or "one and only". You can email me and I will then be able to respond properly. Take care and good luck! I wish my husband would give me injections! He can't even watch! I'll be thinking of you!