Joanne came up with this question/answer exercise for infertiles.

I must say that it was very therapeutic (as in therapy) to purge and re-group. It is kind of frightening when you see the toll of infertility. It makes me want to be more kind to myself. Damn! I have been through a lot in the past couple of years.





INFERTILITY TREATMENT

What professional infertility treatment/therapy are you currently undergoing (if any)? waiting on IVF#3

What's the most painful medical infertility procedure you've experienced? The HSG (x-ray of the fallopian tubes) - I was rushed to the emergency room because my autonomic nervous system shut down. I heard the radiologist call the ER doctor and say "I think we're losing her". I was alone because I was told an HSG is no big deal. My husband was PISSED when the ER nurse called him at work. He was pissed because I was all alone and he was 2 hours away.

What's the all-things-considered, most unpleasant infertility treatment/procedure you've experienced? The HSG

What procedure that you stayed awake dreading beforehand, turned out to be much simpler than expected? Retrieval surgery

What's the most crazy-making medication you've taken? What did you do while on it that had you worried about your state or country's involuntary asylum committal laws? Clomid. I was "fit to be tied" - that is the only way I can describe the antsyness I felt.

What feared medication ended up agreeing with you? All of the injectables agreed with me - very surprisingly.

What are the worst physical side-effects you've experienced as a result of treatment? Clomid - extremely painful right ovary for months.

What medical treatment(s) did your spouse undergo? Willingly or unwillingly? Several semen analysis, urology appointment and of course the collection room escapades for the five IUI's and two IVF's.

Please list all the infertility professionals you've consulted: GP, 5 REs, urologist, OB-GYN.

What is the most helpful thing a medical professional ever said to you in re infertility? "Don't worry about it, it will happen." my OB-GYN

What is the least helpful thing an infertility professional ever said to you? "Don't worry about it, it will happen." my OB-GYN (love/hate sentence)

Have you jettisoned any doctors in the course of infertility? If so, why? I could get pissed and second guess many things but I try not to - it drives me crazy the thousands of things that need examining.

What self-prescribed treatment/therapy/behavior are you currently undergoing in hopes that it will improve fertility? I was recently told "get your heart rate up and you'll get pregnant", so I am starting to run.

What self-prescribed treatment/therapy have you continued for wellness reasons even though it hasn't helped the infertility? Not taking advil.

What's the most annoying-in-retrospect self-prescribed infertility treatment/therapy you've tried? Doing shoulder stands for 10 minutes after sex when I knew I was ovulating. Not a pretty sight for DH, I can assure you.

What's the dumbest self-prescribed infertility treatment/therapy you've refused to try? Who suggested it? I've tried everything. Nothing is too stupid for me!

Which is worse for you:
Blood draws or ultrasounds? Blood draws
Too much Internet medical information or not enough? Not enough
Unconcerned doc or judgmental one? Unconcerned
Undergoing treatment or waiting to undergo treatment? WAITING!
Giving up coffee completely or drinking some and feeling guilty? Giving it up completely
Two-week-waits or high school algebra class?Two-week-waits

ADOPTION PROCESS

Where are you in the adoption process? Nowhere. My husband is not on the same page ........ yet?

What's been the most difficult part of the formal process? my husband not even wanting to discuss it yet.

What part of the process did you most dread beforehand, that turned out to be easy as a recliner?

What life changes have you made that you will immediately discard after the homestudy?

What life changes have you made for the home study that you will continue indefinitely?

What paperchase steps has your spouse taken on? Willingly or unwillingly?

What is the most helpful thing an adoption professional/authority ever said to you?

What is the least helpful thing an adoption professional/authority ever said to you? "You know, a lot of places add cumulative ages, so you and your husband need to start immediately or you'll never be able to adopt" I am 41, he is 46.

Have you ever lost your temper with an official you're supposed to be buttering up? If yes, please explain: Not to do with adoption but I had a complete bitch session with my RE's nurse - down and dirty - back and forth - she hung up on me. She lied to me and I was furious and I called her on it.......it was clear she was used to being "buttered - up" and not called on her negligence. I later imagined her going into the lab and "spilling" my embryos.

How often is it helpful to play the adoption card when trying to get a bureaucrat to do something?


PERSONAL LIFE

Please list any fertility or adoption superstitions/rituals: Never have our wedding picture on the "bad wall" - fung shui - painted bedroom yellow, try to will it to happen with wonderful, positive, sickening thoughts.

Please list any fertility or adoption charms, and the people who gave them to you: Kokopelei, certain stones, prayer cards, prayer pendants, too many to count - given by many family members.

Have you gained even deeper appreciation for anyone in your life because of the challenges posed by infertility or adoption? If yes, whom? Husband, parents, my younger sister, my best friend Debbie who is fertile myrtle and gives me much strength in spite of never experiencing the pain of infertility.

Has the experience of infertility or adoption made you distance yourself from anyone in your life, even though you still love him/her? If yes, whom? My older sister and I did not speak for a month because she was emailing gory detail news of her sister-in-laws homebirth and pictures (her third unplanned child that they cannot afford) - my sister was emailing me all of this the very same week my first IVF failed. When I emailed her and told her to take me off her "announcement" list, she thought I was being bitchy and too sensitive. Many other people get on my nerves now.

What's the most ignorant-but-well-meaning comment you've heard related to infertility or adoption? "Just try IVF again!" as if it is cheap and easy

Who in your life has earned your everlasting enmity because of their attitude toward your infertility or adoption challenges? The Bosses Wife (TBW)

What's the most deliberately awful behavior someone has hit you with -- something that by rights should land them in some deeper level of hell than even Dante knew about? TBW because she is an idiot on so very many levels.

What's the most delicious thing you've said about or wished on this person in return? I wished her IVF failed and was very pleased that it did.
She will find out next week if her IVF#2 worked. I'll have to quit my job if it did.

What infertility or adoption stereotype makes you angrily pull out your soapbox? That it wasn't meant to be.

What song epitomizes infertility or the adoption process for you? "I Would Die For You"

What irreversible physical development do you like to blame on infertility treatment or the adoption process? gaining 10 pounds even though I lost weight while injecting meds.

If you have pets, do you treat them like children (e.g., refer to yourself and your spouse as "Mommy" and "Daddy," etc.)? Would you do this regardless of your childless status? Yes.

Do you have any guilty pleasures you wouldn't want your doc or social worker to know about? If so, what? I drink red wine often.

Is there a television show you've stopped watching, or a book you've stopped reading because of issues related to infertility or adoption? Do you actually yell at the TV or throw the book? I hate "The View".....I have to turn it off anymore. With Elisabeth and her gloating, and now Star with her proclamations of waiting a year before having a baby and that bitch is 42 already!!!!

Do you eavesdrop on people in various waiting rooms? If so, what's the most interesting thing you've overheard? There was a woman who always came in with her ovum donor and it was interesting to see their interaction. The older (45?) woman seemed to treat her early 20's donor like a child. It was interesting to see their interaction.

Have you proposed over-the-top alternative life plans to your spouse in case it's not possible to become a parent/expand the family? If so, what? Become foster parents.

If you were forced on pain of toe-piercing to name a silver lining to infertility treatment or the adoption process, what would it be? Sorry, I'd have to get my toe pierced through the bone. I cannot think of one silver lining.

What has infertility or adoption taught you that you're glad you learned? What do you regret learning? Both lessons would be that, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you don't give up, no matter how many positive affirmations you utter, there are so many things that you cannot control or make better.

How often do you think of your infertility on any given day? 75%