Wow, I have so much to say, write, type.

Bad news first - I have gained 3 1/2 pounds since I started my new diet and exercise regime. We could all be lovey dovey and say that it is muscle but if I took a picture of my lumpy thighs and posted them here, well, we'd all have to sigh in agreement.

My diet is along the lines of the original Weight Watcher's which happens to be the recommended daily food groups diet. Unlike South Beach, I can eat carbs! Obviously, my fat cells are loving the carbs in spite of my ball rolling and walking and running for 10 seconds. I even bought more exercise tapes at Target - one is a hip hop dance routine that makes me look like J. Lo on acid. In my mind, I am so coordinated and cool but reality is different. My husband was amused by my dance moves. hmmmmmmm

I got ALL of my medical records from Stanford for my upcoming consultations and I was amazed at the manila envelope. It was not bulging. It could fit in my mailbox. Is that what $36,000.00 worth of medical treatment looks like? I wish I had stopped at "consult".

I am in a rush to copy it several times to forward to my new doctors.

Between you and I, I know who will be my next doctor. I feel like coming up with a moniker already, before I meet him next Thursday. The other offices are getting on my nerves with calling me because of their errors or omissions and Dr. Next's staff seems extremely competent. Dr. Next, how's that? Kind of boring, but appropriate. I reserve the right to change his name once I meet him. What am I hoping for? Dr. Humorous - now, THAT would be awesome, if I found a doctor with some humor. I just hope he gets me.

There is one doctor (we'll call him Dr. Celebrity because he is written up in magazines and quoted often) but he has a shit receptionist. She has called me three times in an afternoon to have me repeat information because her computer lost it or she needed to verify something and EVERY time she asked for "Ann". Now how many times does it take to get it right? I hear "Juli" or "Julia" or "Jules" even "Julian" but rarely do I hear "Ann" by itself and this lady did it three times in a span of a couple of hours. No way in hell is this man going to be my next doctor. Come hell or high water, he will not be my doctor. I am even tempted to cancel my consult appointment with him - that could be $675 saved for the upcoming medications. Hell, I could buy a nice outfit for that amount of money.

SO MUCH TO SAY, WRITE, TYPE!!!

I am probably going to get fired. From. my. job. F.I.R.E.D.! Never, ever in my life have I been fired from a job but my boss is P.I.S.S.E.D. and I am being a B.I.T.C.H..

I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE.

I requested an appointment as soon as possible with Dr. Next and the first available was 6 weeks away so I was excited when his office manager called to get me in sooner.

I have my empty 2005 calendar next to my 2004 calendar because I need to exchange information. I know it is the end of February, but that is how I do things.

I get the call from Dr. Next to come in soon and I am there! "YES! PEN ME IN!"

The problem is that I am to be at a continuing education event in San Francisco next Wednesday to Friday evening. I mentioned to my boss yesterday that I have a conflict with the seminar next week and he went ballistic, he blew a gasket, he completely lost it. This is a stupid goal setting seminar (Tony Robbins-ish) and I only work two days a week. I can't stand the rah rah , moo moo Tony Robbins-ish mentality and I'll be damned if I am going to change my doctor's appointments around my bosses office protocol.

I think there comes a point where the female infertile must become a "fertilehomemaker" because we have to be completely available for doctors visits and procedures. I really don't think it is possible to hold down a full time job and it is becoming increasingly impossible for me to hold down a two day a week job. I have my priorities and my life and goals are more important than my bosses life and goals.

We'll see what happens next week.

I might be willing to suck it up and drive to San Francisco after my early morning appointment but ONLY because I LOVE S.F..

One more thing on my mind, I am going to try to keep IVF#3 a secret. I want to keep my big mouth shut as much as possible. I especially don't want to tell my family in South Carolina because it is torture for them. Their pain is almost worse than my own pain after the failure. If I could spare them, that would be awesome.

I talk to my family very often on the phone so it will be a challenge.

Other than that, nothing much is going on in my little life. I am still surprisingly peaceful, in spite of my drama. I don't even care that I have gained weight. I chalk it up to new diet confusion.

I am healthy, I am grateful.