Okay, I hate to be graphic but if not here, where?

I have my birth control pills and am ready to take them on cycle day 3. Today should technically be cycle day 2 and yet still no period.

In three years, I have been late for my period twice. So it's not that it hasn't happened before, it is just that it is a teasing torture.

I am generally a 26 day cycle girl and I am now at day 29 and it is the evening. I am pretty certain that I will pee on a stick in the morning and that pretty much guarantees that I will start within the next few hours of that and be pissed I wasted the money on the home pregnancy test. God, I am so cheap sometimes.

M. is sitting here in this room and I want to tell him but that is cruel. I have promised myself not to drag anyone else who loves me into this hope filled hell I live in. He has been drug through this way too many times and the next time he finds out I am pregnant will be because the doctor called with this next IVF or because he gets served an amazing dinner with a baby silver spoon. I have had that dinner planned for a long time.

Anyway, back to the unmentionable. I just did that dive for the future look. I think that is all I should say. Even here. It was void of any red color.

hmmmmmmmmm. This is my first cycle after IVF so I may be askew.