Everything revolves around my beautiful ovaries and the lovely eggs that are stepping up to the plate.

My injections have gone well. Palm Springs was wonderful and a nice distraction. I can definitely feel my ovaries working overtime and I have slowed down a bit. My friend is giving me my injections in the hip so that my thighs and stomach will be ripe for the picking when I start injecting myself. She goes back to Florida on Monday, just in time for another Hurricane! Unbelievable. Her electricity was just restored but still there is no cable. I have enjoyed her being here for the past 10 days.

In addition to Gonal F and double dose of Repronex, I am also taking the Letrozole (placebo?) tablets. I am part of a study so I could be taking placebo pills. In researching on the internet, it looks like if I do get the real pills, there is a chance I could get one or two more eggs than with regular IVF treatment. Intellectually, if I was in charge of a study like this, I would surely choose a woman who responded well to meds only two months prior. That in and of itself would be a good comparison if the letrozole was a contributing factor. I had eleven good eggs last time and anything over that will be awesome. So, making a long story longer, I think I am on the letrozole.

Letrozole is similar to Clomid. I was on Clomid a year ago and swore I would NEVER take that again. For me to say that, and I want a baby more than anything in this world, should say something. Clomid tricks the brain. It is trying to make the brain think it didn't trigger an egg so you get psychological side effects from the drug also. I felt antsy and my right ovary was so enlarged that I could not bend over for a month. That ovary was sore for 3 months. I really think they will find out that Clomid causes ovarian damage. I was miserable.

Letrozole teases the brain like Clomid does but is not supposed to have as many side effects. We shall see. So far, I am doing okay. I need as many eggs as I can get as this is our last attempt at IVF. I am willing to walk on hot coals if my odds are elevated. I need eggs. Lots and lots of beautiful eggs.

The injectable IVF meds are like fertilizer for your ovaries. It doesn't trick the brain it just juices up the ovaries to encourage a lot of eggs to step up to the plate that month. The study is trying to find out if letrozole added to the injectables will help increase the number of eggs. I hope it is a useful study.

I am resting a lot and drinking a lot of water. I put my hands on my belly at night and caress my stomach. I take deep breaths regularly to make my body relax. I need peace and calm.

I am very happy that I am doing this and am grateful for the medical technology that even makes this possible. When I start to feel the stress of "this is it", I remind myself how miserable I would be right now if I wasn't doing IVF#2. I fought like hell to be able to try again so there is no sense in being worried about it. I would really be upset if I wasn't where I am right now, trying again.

I am betting that rescue ICSI caused so many chromosome abnormalities with IVF#1. There is a lot of data to support that theory. My very low FSH (3.4) and my great hormone levels and medical results makes me refuse to believe that all of my eggs are done. The older you get, the poorer quality. I should have 60% poor quality embryos, that leaves 40% good ones. I refuse to believe that 100% of my eggs are cooked. I am betting that immediate ICSI will take care of whatever mysterious fertilization problem we have been having and thus our babies will be given a door to enter this world.

I imagine that my egg shell is just a bit thick and the sperm cannot penetrate. We could have tried for 3 more years, I had almost a years worth of eggs with IVF#1 and the sperm could not get through. ICSI will solve the problem. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. I will get pregnant this time.

Oh what the hell, I'm on a roll.........I will get pregnant with twins. I will have twelve eggs and eleven of them will divide and conquer. At day three, my doctor will put in four beautiful eight celled embryos and I will get pregnant with twins. I like that movie. I like that movie a lot!