I had to inoculate my thighs. Gonal F on the right and Repronex on the left.

My girlfriend left this morning so it was up to me. For IVF#1, I gave myself one shot and it resulted in a bruise for 3 weeks. I mean really, bruises don't ever last that long! It takes me 15 minutes to mix and prepare for my shots. I am so nervous that I will do something wrong that I check and double check what I am doing. It is truly confusing and I don't know how most people do it.

I am a dental hygienist and I give injections all the time. I work in a periodontal practice so on most of my patients I am numbing up half of their mouth at a time. That is about 6 injections for most people. I have to find the nerve. There are holes (foramens) in the skull where nerves come out so you have to palpate and estimate where each persons nerve should be. It is not always there, so sometimes you have to re-adapt and re-inject to get teeth numb. If you saw how long the needle is for the bottom injection and even worse saw how far it has to go in the jaw (towards the ear at an angle) it would make most people faint. Different people need different anesthetics etc... so I am used to mixing and changing and I always have to document how many ml of solution I used. So....injections are not new to me.

I have given myself injections in my own mouth because I didn't like the way a certain dentist numbed his patients. The needle should never be moved all around and many dentists do that. I go in gently and inject slowly (makes the ph not burn or hurt as much) and then slowly pull straight out when I am done. Dentistry can be painless and I pride myself on my injection technique.

So why, why is it that I have a tiny sub q needle in my hand and I can not bring myself to stab my skin? I did faint one time when a friend was practicing drawing blood on me over and over again. I have to turn my head any time my blood is drawn so it must be related to this.

I have to get used to it. I have to inject myself from now on. My husband will not give me my HCG so that will be a chore when I have to inject my hip myself. A friend at work said she would drive over to my house, whatever time (I told her sometimes the trigger shot is 3:00 a.m.)she said she would be happy to give me the shot. She used to be a phlebotomist in London and did give me several shots at work during IVF#1. I may have to take her up on it.

The deal was from the very beginning that M. would not and could not give me shots. He cannot do it. Therefore, I must bring myself to do it.

So, how do people do it so easily when they have no injection experience? I mean truly! I have to mix my gonal F and even though the box says there is 400IU, the nurse told me there is really 600IU. Since my dose is 300IU, I mix it and pull half out and save the other half for the next day. My Repronex is 150IU, so I am to draw .8 ml of dilutant and inject it in one 75IU vial and then draw that up and inject it another 75IU vial and then draw that up into the syringe and change the needle. I was also told to draw air in the syringe EVERY time I am going to draw fluid up because it causes pressure in the vial and makes it draw up easier. So, I am drawing up air, inserting syringe in dilutant,injecting the air, drawing up the solution in my syringe, withdrawing the syringe, injecting the dilutant in the vial with medicine, withdrawing syringe, drawing up more air, inserting needle back in vial to inject the air and then drawing every tiny drop of solution up and avoiding bubbles and then I change to a fresh, sharp smaller needle to inject myself. The Repronex has even more steps due to the double dose.

Is it any wonder my hands are shaking and I am hoping I am not missing a step? So, please tell me, how other people do this who don't even have injection experience? If I could afford it, I would have a private nurse come to do this for me every day. It is WAY too much pressure.

Yesterday, I was getting a bit aware (worry would not be a good word) because my ovaries didn't twinge and tweak as much. I need them to keep twinging and tweaking. I welcome the pain. BRING IT ON!

I am feeling the tweaks a bit this morning since my injections.


My ultrasound is tomorrow morning. I am very excited (anxious would not be a good word). I am trying to stop myself from using worrisome words so therefore worry becomes aware; anxious becomes excited.

I will try to be like I was before. I only want to see Dr. Beautiful pleased. If she is pleased, I am pleased. I do not want to know the numbers or sizes or dominant or whatever else there could be. I only want to hear "pleased", "wow, you are responding well", that is it. Any other information will send me racing home to spend hours on the internet dissecting and worrying about something. Worry is the Beast that I must fight. That Beast is not allowed in my house right now.

It is what it is. I am doing the absolute best that I can do. I cannot ask myself to perform any better.

I will just relax. Except, of course, for the 15 minutes I am mixing and measuring and injecting my meds.