Perhaps mother does know best. "It is always worse at night"; "An idle mind is the devils workshop"; "Between being idle or not, always choose to get out among the living".

So, I finally went to the driving range in the neighborhood where I live. I have been dreading it. I haven't been there since June and I knew I would get asked tons of questions about where I had been all summer.

I only started playing golf seriously a year ago. I am not athletic. I am very girly, feminine and uncoordinated and to top it all off, I am still pigeon toed in spite of being told I would grow out of it.

When my sisters and I were growing up, they were taking jazz, tap, ballet and gymnastics and I took oil painting lessons. I was never into tumbling or tapping.

My parents were told that I was very talented artistically when I was in kindergarten. I still remember the day. We were told to draw our favorite food. After drawing it, we all paraded around the room in a circle showing off our drawings. Everyone held their art work proudly above their head and as I looked around the room, I saw candy bars and gum balls and cake and ice cream drawings. I, on the other hand, carried the most beautiful chicken leg you could ever imagine. I had the bumps on it and everything. Somehow my teacher saw some talent there so my parents got me involved in art classes.

My weekly art classes let me skip all sports growing up. I did know how to swim well but that was only because everyone in the South knows how to swim. You live in a pool in the summers in the South if you can.

I digress.......Golf........For me to play golf at this time in my life is surprising. I love it. It is like being at a park for four or more hours. Also, when you suck so bad in the beginning, the practice is incredibly rewarding because there is such a huge learning curve.

I joined a golf league and almost had to drop out I would get so nervous. I wasn't used to competing in sports, I couldn't sleep the night before a tournament and I would even get nauseous the morning of the competition. It was such torture but I pushed myself to go on and anyway, most of the tournaments were for charity so really, who gives a shit if you play well or not.

After practicing 5 - 6 times a week for the past year, I started getting better. My handicap actually sucks. It is 24.5. I can drive the ball 250 yards and my average is 225 - I think it is the hips. My short game needs a lot of work but I was starting to break 100 regularly and I was making huge progress. So.......to make a long story longer, it is highly unusual that I have not played since June and I know a lot of people at the driving range/club house.

It was time to go and face the music. So, this weekend I got the cobwebs out of my golf shoes and headed to the country club. I was asked many times by very nice people "where have you been!" and I handled it okay. I just said I had a busy summer, most people asked if I had been traveling a lot - "yeah, to hell and back" I wanted to say. But I smiled and grinned and was all warm and fuzzy and friendly just acting like I was just so incredibly busy. My golf teacher didn't go for it though. He came out to talk to me and said that he was worried about me. I said I was busy. Then I told him I had undergone a series of medical treatments this summer and it just wasn't conducive to playing golf. He looked very concerned, and I then told him that we had been very aggressively trying to have a baby and unfortunately, none of it worked. He looked relieved, I think he thought I might have had cancer the way my voice was trembling. He was very sweet and said he was sorry. I came very close to crying so I decided just pretending to be traveling the world this summer is the best way to go.

So, from now on, everyone else will hear what a wonderful summer I had and I'll smile so big that they'll think great things and then I'll change the subject and ask them about themselves. Diversion works well.


I am feeling better and it is good to be out among the living.