Unfortunately, I will not be looking my best for Dr. Next tomorrow morning. In spite of my tossing and turning on a ball, and walking for three miles each day (running time up to 8 seconds)..........I should have lost weight. The first few days, I actually gained three pounds and now I am down to my original starting weight.

I do feel better emotionally and physically since I started working out. In my mind I look fine, but then I pass a mirror and wonder who the hell that is or why every mirror is so fucked up.

"'Tis better to be in la la land than the misery of reality."

I have a long list of questions for Dr. Next and the more I think about things, the more I am convinced it may be a good idea for me to just listen at first. He has been going over my files and requesting more information so he should be well versed with my drama. I am strangely nervous about the appointment.

I just don't want to hear bad news. I am also afraid of being so blissfully hopeful again.

I should just be thankful that I am going to have another chance (enter: fear creeping in - what if I get some terrible, unexpected news.......fadeout)

I will be spending the next few days in one of my favorite cities and will most likely not have internet access.

I miss my old lap top that had a simple plug, simple phone line, simple internet connection.

These fancy wireless, remote laptops are far over-rated.