It is late Sunday night and I STILL have not started my period. This is cruel and unusual punishment.

I know in my brain that there is NO way that I can be pregnant given that 11 eggs couldn't fertilize in nutrient solution in a petri dish in July.

Having a period used to be painful and depressing but I have gotten used to that disappointment but being unusually late is torture. I have an angel and a devil on opposite shoulders.

Devil : "Stupid girl, you can't be pregnant. I mean really..........how ridiculous are you? You are actually quite funny to play with because you are so damn gullible. Ohhh.......how I laugh at you and love to tease you."


Angel: "Oh ye of little faith. How late do you have to be to take another pregnancy test? Don't you feel the signs and aren't you believing yet? It is time for good things to happen to you and you don't have to go through another torturous IVF. God loves you. Your miracle prayers are being answered!"

I have my BCP's ready to go on CD3. Stanford has me scheduled for a tentative retrieval date of September 28th. I am completely off of that schedule right now since I didn't start Friday or Saturday.

The paranoid me is afraid that I have jinxed myself into having hormonal problems now that I have been so cocky about my hormone levels. The devil hates me.

Okay......slap.........slap.........shake.

Whew........I needed a good slap in the face.

It is what it is. Everything is out of my control. If I start tomorrow or Tuesday or whenever, Stanford can change the IVF dates and adjust.

Everything will be okay. I am doing the best I can do and that is all I can ask of myself.