Here I sit with Hope and Faith after our very important ultrasound visit.

Dr. Beautiful measured fifteen follicles and said that everything looks wonderful. She also said that I had no idea how well I am responding. She didn't say it, but I got the feeling she also meant "for someone my age". She said that I am responding as well as they hope ovum donors will respond.

I feel like the weight of the world is off of my shoulders. I had a complete sense of dread since yesterday. Like a gut feeling or omen that the news would be bad today.

Needless to say, fifteen follicles does not mean fifteen eggs will be retrieved. I am just doing very well, much better than I had anticipated and I am so very grateful.

My retrieval is scheduled for Wednesday morning. I am to trigger tomorrow night and will not see her again until then. I have complete faith in my doctor. I even told her that she can ruin my ovaries if she needs to in order to get everything, being as this is our last and final IVF. She said she has never had to ruin anyone's ovaries but that she knew what I meant.

I mean truly, what do they do with the hidden follicles on the back end of ovaries? I want her to go for everything. I could care less if I have my ovaries or uterus if I can't have a child. I know that is morbidly dramatic, but it is how I honestly feel.

Dumbass nurse was there today and had to give me my schedule of events for the coming week. I truly cannot be bothered with difficulties and actually my heart went out to her. She was very nervous as she was showing me the papers of schedules. I looked her in the eye and wanted her to feel my kindness towards her and I said that I so appreciated her coming through with the medications and I thanked her. She said that I only needed to concentrate on taking care of myself and my eggs and then she put her arm on my shoulder. It was rather sweet actually.

I need to only feel the love. Feel the love for my beautiful babies. My eggs are my babies and I adore them. I cherish them. I bow to them.

So off I go with Faith and Hope to take a nap.




Thank you Lord for my many blessings. My heart is overjoyed.