I have figured that in the 3 years I have been married, I have had a total of 6 1/2 years worth of eggs - thanks to our infertility treatments.

It was so pathetic of me to get my OPK stick out this afternoon and saturate it.

I can't even see a shadow of a second line and today is CD 14.

I know that after IVF#1, I was about 10 days late with my period and thus my ovulation was screwed up.

It is very clear, Clear Response Clear, that I am nowhere close to dropping an egg.

I am going to do another OPK day after tomorrow. I may see a shadow line then.

I guess I am lucky that I ovulate regularly, or I DID ovulate regularly until my infertility treatments. I have no idea where this cycle is but I suspect that it will be a delayed cycle so I may not ovulate until a week from now.

Why should I bother? If 6 1/2 years worth of eggs have not been able to produce a positive pregnancy test, why do I even attempt it right now?

The reason is that some people win the lottery.

Some lucky assholes live when their parachute doesn't open.

I may be a lucky asshole one day so I have to keep submitting my Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes of baby wishes.

You cannot win if you do not submit.

Maybe all of my bad eggs are flushed out of my system and this month's egg is the golden one.

Maybe........maybe............maybe.

I feel useless and pathetic today.