I am very pleased to announce that TBW is NOT pregnant. Her beta was negative. Apparently she is okay with it and ready to begin IVF #2 ASAP. She will be in the office tomorrow and although many scenarios have filled my head, I will take the high road. I have been very affected by her passive aggressive maliciousness towards me and I needed some distance from the situation to try to sort it out.

I discovered that I am more upset with myself for standing silently while she carried on with her insensitive antics. I am mad at me. I am pissed at myself for not taking care of that little girl inside of me who was hurting so much.

She is The Bosses Wife and she abuses that "power". The truth of the matter is that I don't need to work there so she really has no power over me, not like if I was single and trying to make a mortgage payment.

The dilemma has been that I like to have my own money. My husband is as tight as a tic and I make good money. When we moved here 2 years ago, I left 6 (six!) dental offices before I found this one that I love. There are so many unethical dentists and I absolutely refuse to work for someone I wouldn't want working in my own mouth. I finally found a dentist with great professional ethics and values.

It is very important for me to get out amoung the living. I love my schedule, I work two days a week. Everything has been splendid until TBW graduated from dental hygiene school two months ago and is now working in the office of her husband. She even has the nerve to tell me what to do. That gets my gall. I have been a dental hygienist for 17 years, in much more prestigious offices than her husbands, and she has the absolute nerve to tell me what to do and how to do things. I am a snotty bitch deep inside and I have absolutely no regard for her but I am left to pretend.

I hate pretending.

I stand there smiling or staring at the floor as she spews ridiculous sentences from her mouth. She is evil with a big huge grin. I find myself at a loss.

I still don't know what I will say or do tomorrow when she comes into the office. If I were less than what I am, I would tell her to get another dog or any number of echoes of herself.

I do know that I could not have stood another day there if she had been pregnant. It would have been intolerable.

I cannot stand that woman but hating her only gives her power over me.

I will wish her well and probably ask that she not discuss IVF with me anymore, that it upsets me too much. I need to set the boundaries and protect myself from her. I want to be proud of the way I handle the situation and that is the struggle.

I am extremely pleased that her IVF did not work. Extremely pleased.

I feel a change in the air. A very good change. It seems that there has been so much bad news in blogland, but recently, there is good news around. Today is the first day that I have felt light. I feel hopeful again. I am ready for my next IVF. I am finally ready to start that ball rolling.

I do not want to have high hopes. I want to temper myself. It is so very difficult to go through everything that involves IVF and remain logical and distant. It is impossible. To do IVF, one must have unending hope.

I am trying to stay balanced while walking an IVF tightrope. I don't want to get hurt so that means I must not hope so much.

I am a hopeful girl.