I have spent a little over 3 months in this infertility blog society and I said so many times "I have finally found a community to which I belong" and I have received amazing support and information here.

I imagine us in a huge banquet room with round cloth covered tables and a podium in the front of this room. When you walk in, it is filled with the sounds of chatter and laughter. There are the usual high school lunchroom type dynamics going on but if one woman in that room is hurting, everyone surrounds her and protects her from the world. We are a support group for the infertile. There is a television monitor for the lurkers to watch who do not want to participate. The lurkers get so much from our room as well. Some women get up on that podium and read their ready for publication brilliant entries and others, like me, read their journal type emotional day to day tribulations.

Bits and pieces are taken from everyone and the purpose for me being in that room is to deal with this nightmare I find myself living in. Unfortunately, it is a true story and personally for me, I am trying to deal with the pain of never having my own child.

Maybe the purpose of me finding this room was to be held up by everyone when I was all alone the week I found out my second IVF failed. My eyes still begin to well up when I think of the love and kindness I got from the women in this room. It was honestly the only thing that helped me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for surrounding me then.

I don't have a blogroll. Milenka and Julie have the most amazing blogrolls and although I tried to copy and paste my personal blogroll about 8 times in my blog template, it never showed up on my main page. I soon gave up and realized it was for the best because my personal list changes weekly. I wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings by not having them on my special list and I would also find it hard to remove someone publicly. I know I wouldn't update it like I should so that is yet another reason why it is good that I have no favorites list on my blog.

If I did have a blogroll, I would be crossing off a lot of people right now.

This room has turned into a political room. The women now get on their podiums and preach to the masses about how terrible everything is but not only that, they get up there and insult those of us who didn't think the way they thought. They spew insults at people who voted for someone other than their candidate.

I have zero tolerance for the far right and the far left. I keep my political views to myself because I am so incredibly humbled by the fact that my way is not the only or the right way.

I know a pea size amount about politics and government. I am intelligent and well informed enough to make a judgment but hardly informed enough to make judgments on everyone who doesn't see the world my way.

I would post links to the insulting blogs but it would take me forever and I would be pissed when I realized the people I left off. Anyone who is here in this room or watching has seen the change.

It is not the politics or discussions of differences - IT IS THE BLATANT, ARROGANT INSULTS SPEWN AT THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR BUSH. This is not because someone doesn't like Bush, it is because they took it to a whole other level.

I have a very close relative who has been active in politics for 40 plus years. He is now one of the most senior members of the House Of Representatives and he is a Democrat I might add. I have seen the hours, weeks, weekends, holidays spent trying to make this country a better place and this is just one little person in politics. I cannot imagine the logistics of the complications of an entire government. My uncle is even humbled by the process.

So how can so many women sit on their little chair at their little computer in their little house in their city wherever they are in this great, vast world and be so arrogant and insulting. Go out and make a difference if you are that passionate or go find your Paradise Island somewhere. This is a huge, magnificent world that has so much to offer. I would bet that most of the very angry people would find their ick follows them wherever they go and they would probably be ready to leave their little Paradise Island after a few years of living there.

I have heard for 20 plus years about back alley abortions and the doom and gloom and the sky is falling. I will eat my hat if abortions are illegal in this country again. Bush has been in office for 4 years and the sky has not fallen.

There are extremists. Extreme Republicans who ignite this hatred in the extreme lefties.

This is the internet. It is your own blog. It is a free society.

I was never involved in politics in real life and certainly not online. The passions that people have can get a bit out of control.

I no longer like being in this room. I could slip out the back door or I can stand up here on my podium and yell.

I miss the old room.

I damn sure am not going to stand up on that podium and be vulnerable and show my pain to a room full of women who have insulted me.

It must be amazing to truly be that arrogant that your way is the only way. It must be wonderful.

I am leaving.

I have no time to spell check or re read this so excuse the rambling and errors.

A quick note to getupgrrl. THANK YOU. It is because of you that most of us are in this room. I don't want to say that someone deserves something more than someone else but you so deserve for this next cycle to work. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I am so very hopeful for you.

To the other wonderful women - I LOVE YOU. Hang in there. You are amazing.

Thank you for everything.