Wednesday, December 01, 2004
I Am Going To Hell
Luckily, I had a very busy day at work today so I was able to avoid TBW like the plague.

I dodged her antics just before lunch by feigning hunger and my need for nourishment immediately and quickly bolted out the door.

At the end of the day, she came into my room and said she needed to tell me what happened with her IVF. She said that her doctor was shocked that she was not pregnant and guaranteed that she would get pregnant by IVF #3 and that she had an 80% chance of IVF#2 succeeding.

I told her that I was shocked she wasn't pregnant, that I thought her doctor said she had an 80% chance of getting pregnant after she had 6 fertilized eggs. I also told her how impressed I was that her doctor guaranteed a positive result by IVF#3 and asked how the guarantee works, "does he give you your money back?". TBW said that she may have misunderstood her doctor, that maybe he didn't really say that.

TBW proceeded to show me her ass. She has been getting PIO injections in her bum for the past 2 weeks and assumed I had received the same. I was lucky enough to have been prescribed 3 progesterone vaginal capsules daily and was spared the painful intramuscular progesterone in oil injections during the 2 week wait.

She had 4 beautiful bruises with knots underneath the skin and one in particular, in which she begged me to rub and feel, was the size of a golf ball on her size zero hip.

Forgive me, I thought I was above this, but sometimes, you have to just take what is given to you and I just couldn't resist.

I told TBW that she needed to rub the bruises and knots to help them breakdown. I told her that it would be painful, but she needed to break the knotty bruises down by vigorous massage. My boss came into my room about that time and I exhibited the correct way to massage and break down the painful, bruised knots on TBW's still bare ass and even suggested he use his knuckles (she did have a nice pair of beautiful silk black thong panties).

I know. I should be ashamed of myself.
posted by Julianna · 12/01/2004

13 Comments:
At 2:55 AM, Blogger ankaisa said...
I can just picture this in my mind! And I really needed the laugh!!

And I do think I have heard somewhere that massaging the spots actually helps, so you were just giving her good advice. That's what I'l think about it. I wouldn't know anyway, as I'm only familiar with those vaginal suppositories.  

At 6:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...
I would have been tempted to start talking to her ass, because, what's the difference? She shows her ass every time she opens her mouth.
From what you've written about her, she sounds like a total trainwreck in the making. A normal person would probably sense that you are not interested in hearing every little detail. It's not as if you two have a friendship...you have to put up with her because she's TBW, yet she thinks it's okay to drop trou? She sounds like an extremely insecure, me-me-me person who doesn't have a shred of dignity about her.

And we Southern women are all about the dignity, n'est ce pas?  

At 7:02 AM, Blogger Queenjulie said...
LOL! You rule. I mean, honestly, she made you look at her underwear?? She's lucky you didn't tell her that the best way to get rid of bruises is to poke them. Hard.  

At 7:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG, she takes my breath away at not just her stupidity and lack of thoughtlessness, but her general lack of understanding the necessity to have at least a modicum of decorum.

You know Julianna, I'm starting to think that what's going on here is that she has no friends and because you're such a kind soul, she's latching on to you because she's alone. She's the kind of person who would do that and then dump you when something better comes along. She's really awful.

xxxooo,
Emily
scrambledeggs  

At 8:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...
You know, I'm *really* starting to wonder about TBW's doctor. Either he's some sort of hidden miracle worker or he tends to, shall we say, embellish things a bit. I mean, who on EARTH is given 80% odds? I'm twenty-five years old and the highest my doctor would go is "Forty to fifty percent odds, if the embryos make it to blast stage."

I'm not saying the guy's not really an RE or anything, only that I'm a hell of a lot more comfortable with a doctor who is more or less straight-up with me. I can just picture TBW getting a beta of 8 and being told that everything's fine and there's no reason for concern, blah blah blah. Not good. Or of course, she could be making the doctor's comments up entirely, which is weird in its own way.

Oh, and showing you her bruises? Ugh. The only person who gets to see, or even HEAR about, mine is my husband, and that's only because he's the one who gives me the shots.  

At 8:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sorry - the Anon comment just above was me. I should just get a Blogger account already...

- Sonetka  

At 11:46 AM, Blogger Dee said...
Thanks for making me giggle when I read this earlier today (I would have commented then but technical Blogger difficulties made that impossible!). Gotta love the universe for her getting a BFN! Oh, but wait, that's mean of me; whoops.

I don't think you should be ashamed at all--hee hee. I love the mild mannered passive aggressiveness of southern gals--especially since I learned how to do it myself (and get away with it) after living in GA and AL! (After all, the deep south doesn't extend to my part of south Florida--the true south seems to end somewhere around Gainesville or Ocala!) So I don't think you're going to hell at all :-)  

At 11:51 AM, Blogger E. said...
Serves her right for showing you her ass! I mean, really. :)  

At 11:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...
That is so priceless and so friggin' funny that you were able to walk right into that. I picture her, bent over and begging her husband to use his knuckles more on her knots. Such a pleasant picture. Does that mean that I am going to hell too?


April  

At 2:21 PM, Blogger Amyesq said...
Yay for her BFN! Yay for her hideous bruises! If it were me I would have told her the only thing that helps is a big ole' foot in the ass and then proceeded to... Oh my! I'm sorry, I lost my sweet facade there for a moment. Ok, it's back.

-AmyY  

At 2:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...
You are so bad. I love it.  

At 6:39 PM, Blogger Cricket said...
I did miss you while you were gone. I wanted you to bring back some silly Southern lingo and truisms to share, but the recipes sufficed, I s'pose.

Revel in your shame, honey! I read in awe with gaping mouth about the stupidity you encounter with TBW. Keeps me entertained, so I can't complain.

Thanks for the read and post. Dick dances suck, but now I know there's hope. Our blow up took a huge weight off of him; he's piped up about other stuff and even joked repeatedly about his trauma. It brought us closer, thank goodness.  

At 7:14 AM, Blogger Kristin said...
OMG...how funny. You have earned my undying love and respect for what you did to TBW. People who are that self centered deserve what they get!  

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