1. Not decorating for Christmas does not make the season go away. If anything, it makes it a bit more empty.

2. Go to Boston every year from now on. It is wintry and Christmasy there, it is not either of those things here in California.

3. Make exciting plans that interest and inspire instead of being non-active.

4. Overstock.com was an excellent way to do my Christmas shopping and the shipping costs ($1) were unbeatable.

5. It is always good to have made extra scarves or gift baskets for those people who suddenly need a gift.

6. It is more depressing going through the holidays heavier than ever, try to lose weight before the festivities begin. It is a bitch to run into people at holiday functions and be preoccupied with how tight my clothes are or how bloated I feel. Being heavier makes me self absorbed and I don't pay attention to other things outside of myself enough.

7. People could give a shit if I have gained 10 pounds.

8. People are not thinking the whole time they are talking to me about how much weight I have put on.

9. Better still to feel and look fantastic than feel fat.

10. All I want for Christmas is an IVF - just one more, until that one fails and fills me with so much hope because I came so close, then just another please. It may never end, that line that I draw that keeps getting moved.


Most of all, adore and love my lovely M. who is magnificent and brave and strong and remember that he is sad too. He has done so much and I don't acknowledge his pain enough. Even though he doesn't wear it on his sleeve like me, he is hurting too. Love him and be kind to him.

Julianna, be even more kind to yourself. Love yourself and pat that little girl inside of you on the back and hug her more. She has a rough time sometimes and tell her how proud you are of her. It is okay if she is fatter than usual.


Be Nice!