At 8:55 PM,  Anonymous said...
If that makes you hard to take, then, I am absolutely impossible to deal with. To hell with them and their specific requests for handouts. You were a lot more kind than I would have been.

April  

At 10:20 PM,  Anonymous said...
That sucks  

At 10:29 PM,  Cricket said...
You, my dear, are a big hunk of 'nana puddin' not a bear. I understand the machete mouth - for myself, I sawyI spew forth words from hell. Just tell Kath that you'll save up and do the whole brood next year and put your name on the gift cards.

I do have a gift story I want to share, although it is neither here nor there w/your topic. I had a local email loop friend who saw an angel gift tree thing at church. One angel kid dared not to ask for something crucial like a coat; he was 12 or 14 and asked for a Game Boy. Oh the audacity, thought my semi-friend, and she complained about it on our loop.

In response, I had to tell her that kids are going to write down what they want, not what they need. Further, the kid was probably part of a 'working poor' family - they could (barely) cover the basics and could not afford extras. My ex's family was like that; his clothes came from places like KMart and he was ridiculed. He generally had food and shelter, but all kids deserve more.

I also responded that by writing Game Boy, the boy still had hope for a better outcome, that someone would come through for him, that he deserved something fun and special. It wasn't a coat, although it cost the same as a coat, but he would wear it with pride anyway.

She went and bought the Game Boy.  

At 11:27 PM,  Kath said...
I hate that people who are parents think that the childless couldn't not possibly know what children want. Santa for christ sakes doesnt have children!  

At 1:10 AM,  ankaisa said...
Why did she call you in the first place then?? I just don't get it. If that family is dependent on donations, there should not be any room for being picky. I'm so sorry you had to go through this!!  

At 4:57 AM,  Stacy said...
WTF? Indeed! I would be so mad! I would want to call that woman and let her know the havoc her "helping" created by getting you invovled then uninvolving you. Of course that will not accomplish anything.  

At 5:37 AM,  Soper said...
My radar is going off on this one -- do you actually know this woman? I mean, why would she call and solicit you for charity? It might be a scam -- call the Chamber of Commerce and see if she really works for them.

Oh, so cynical Soper, ho ho ho, spirit of Christmas giving and all that...  

At 7:11 AM,  E. said...
What does she mean, "they don't need books?" Is she assuming that because the kids are poor, they wouldn't be able to appreciate a wonderful, age-appropriate book?? Outrageous! Everyone needs books!  

At 7:48 AM,  ~L said...
Okay, this Kathy? needs to get a big reality check. She's micromanaging this Santa thing waayyyy too much for my taste and completely getting on my nerves. Since when does she get to dictate the purchases for all those participating? Does she realize how rude this is? Did she consider that maybe you'd already done your shopping for the kid in question? And as a real kicker, does she also realize (admitting to my college years as a Wal-Mart employee) that oftentimes "Momma" will return the children's "gifts" to the store the day after Christmas to get the money instead? Julianna, I think you've shown Kathy way more grace than she deserves, girl!  

At 9:00 AM,  Amyesq said...
OK, I realize this Kathy person is just trying to help out, but I agree with the previous poster who said she sounds like a huge micromanager. What does she mean they don't need books? Sorry, I guess your suggestion of things that would actually be HELPFUL and EDUCATIONAL was just not good enough. Maybe you should have offered a Nintendo or whatever kids are playing these days so all ten kids can just zone out in front of the TV while Mommy goes in search of a Daddy for number 11.

Sorry, I realize that sounds uncharitable, but I am a little steamed. Oh well, go take the $$ you were going to spend and get a pedicure or something for yourself. You deserve it after having to deal with that crap.  

At 1:45 PM,  Anonymous said...
Speaking as some one who feels that books are the appropriate present for any age from new born on up-WTF??? Not your fault and I'm sorry that you had to put up w/this BS. I have no idea why they're so picky!
-Abby (abfausto@hotmail.com)  

At 2:53 PM,  Anonymous said...
Books not an appropriate toy? I see, so that whole education thing we always harp about is of no value, eh? I could say a whole lot of cynical things right now, but I'll just leave it at that.

I agree with Soper, I wonder if this is legit...books would be hard to 'sell' or 'redistribute' if you catch my drift.

Sorry about this, as if you needed this on top of what you've already gone through.

xxoo,
Emily  

At 2:56 PM,  Anonymous said...
I'm going to guess that "Mom" asked for toys only because she had no intention of reading books to her kid. J, be glad you didn't waste your money on a book that would probably be thrown in a corner somewhere.

Love and hope for a better 2005,
Cyn (ical)  

At 3:10 PM,  Anonymous said...
I was once involved in a community project through my church. We'd take teenagers and go repair houses for the poor, simple stuff like painting, cleaning, yard maintenance, etc.

Invariably, one of the teenagers would be aghast at what they saw: ramshackle houses that were filthy on the inside, but there was a 52 inch TV in the living room, the mother had expensive hair extensions and a Louis Vuitton bag, and there was plenty of money for beer, cigarettes, soda and tons of junk food.

I went through rough times myself when I was a child, after my father died, but my mom would have NEVER taken any assistance. She went back to school, got her degree and a good job, instead of going on the dole.

My question is, how can we help the people like that? People who view assistance as a temporary situation and they are trying to get back on their feet?  

At 3:57 PM,  Anonymous said...
Maybe she doesn't want to encourage the kids to get their hopes up by reading? Perhaps you should have suggested the Little People McDonald's Set?

What the hell?

This reminds me of a story a lawyer friend told me. In her early 20s, she was a single mom without a car and a crappy job in a laundrymat, where at least she could bring her daughter and not worry about a sitter. That Christmas, the local Pensacola Junior League sponsored her daughter, who was two years old. And what did those "society" bitches get her daughter? A doll? A book even? No, a fancy velvet and tulle party dress. Because, when you're practically on welfare, you're probably getting invided to a lot of dress-up parties.

Oh, and she returned it and bought the kid some real clothes.  

At 6:19 PM,  Julianna said...
Thank you ladies. Sometimes when stuff like this happens, I question myself. Was I being difficult? Was I being heartless? Was I self-righteous? Is a book THAT stupid?

Then I come here and get a reality check......

Kathy was being unreasonable......not me.

She did want me to drop off my presents to her house, so I would not be surprised if she takes all of the gifts herself as if she is the provider.

It really should be about the children and not about how they get things but for some reason that just bugs the shit out of me - the mother or now possibly even Kathy distributing all the presents as if she is the hero.

Soper had a good point about a scam. I don't know Kathy, never heard of her, but she did give me her number and address.

She said she got my number from the Chamber of Commerce when she phoned them with her "idea" and supposedly they gave her my number........I didn't think of it before but perhaps Kathy just got my number on her own and it is some sort of scam?

I am going to call the Chamber of Commerce tomorrow and see if they have been giving out phone numbers of volunteers. I do volunteer quite often (special olympics, disadvantaged children events, wine events, golf events) so it does make sense that the COC would possibly give out my phone number. The more I think of it, if they ARE giving my number to strangers on the phone, that is pissy too.

Uggggggghhhhhhhh..........Merry Christmas to me.

I'm working through this and will get through it, it just irks me.

Thank you for your input ladies. I really appreciate it.

My husband is so cool sometimes, immediately he thought something was up and didn't like the idea and even said he would have tolf her to go fuck herself if he had answered the phone. He's so polite like that.

I'm a mush.

Thank you again. This is cheaper than therapy.

Just keep telling me...."you're okay", "you're not crazy", "that was weird", "something doesn't sound right", "your instincts are correct", "listen to your gut"..........

Alrighty then,,,,,,,I'm already better.  

At 6:50 PM,  Sandy said...
I'm sorry this happened to you. Just a thought that you can tuck wherever you want to ... one year we took a present to the local children's hospital on Christmas Eve. I bet the hospital would put an awesome book like you described to good use, and some child would love it.

You are a wonderful person ... keep it up. Happy holidays.  

At 8:11 PM,  Anonymous said...
Being sweet can backfire, kay? I'll tell you a story. I have a friend, I'll call her Laura, who got involved with a crack addict. I'll call him Mark. They had this torturous affair that went on for years, total disaster. Mark had a kid with Penny before he met Laura. Then Penny had another kid with another man. I'll call this kid Randy.

Anyway, Laura became v. attached to Randy over the years. She would have him over to spend the night, signed him up for Little League, etc. Laura brought Randy over to my house when he was 13 to swim. I'm sure that Randy thought our house looked like a mansion considering the crack trailer he lived in. Poor kid. I got sort of attached to him too and had him over to swim often.

Laura moved away and Mark straightened up and moved with her and they are happily together. But anyway Randy is still in town and is now 18 and in jail for drug charges, has been selling crack since he was like 15.

Laura called the other night to talk to my husband who is a law enforcement officer about the charges. My husband spent 1 hour helping her out. In reward for this, Laura without my permission gave Randy OUR HOME ADDRESS and I get a letter from Randy asking me to help him with his BAIL MONEY. I threw the letter out.

So! Let's review. A DRUG ADDICT AND CRIMINAL NOW HAS OUR HOME ADDRESS AND HAS VISITED HERE AND SEEN our big tv, my diamond rings, our furniture our swimming pool. We are not wealthy, in fact, babe, we live like 5 minutes from the Bed, Bath and Beyond that you visited in Columbia!! But anyway, to Randy we probably look like a big fat target waiting to be plucked!! That is what being sweet will get you in this world.  

At 8:32 PM,  Brokenornot said...
As a family that is suffering from hard times, and had to be "adopted" for presents and stuff, we would have adored E getting books as the presents.

Anyone who says that you can't provide a present for a family in need like that, after you bring up the purchase you plan on making, is scamming, I think.

Most of the time, they would have accepted from you, and from someone else. The more "adoptees" the better for the kids, right?

Especially in a situation like that.

The presents for E we got, they are in the closet right now, because the people who bought them wrote from Santa on them. I wouldn't have minded their own names either though, seeing as how we know them really really well.

Anyhow, don't know if I'm making any sense. Just wanted to say I think you were being scammed, because from what I've seen of the way this stuff works, its not like that.

Kris
Brokenornot  

At 9:00 PM,  Julianna said...
Hi Anonymous...... I must say that your entry freaked me out a bit about being within a few miles of the BB&B that I recently visited. How did you know that I went to BB&B with my mother when I was in South Carolina a couple of weeks ago???...........when we we spent hours in the special BB&B in Irmo (slash- Columbia, S.C.).......how could you know that??????

ohhhhhhhhhhh...........wwwwhhhoooooooooooo.............ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooo.............

Kind of like freaky.

I live 3,000 miles away from there.............where I just was a couple of weeks ago.............


whhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooo..........ewwwwwwwwwowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..................



But I get your gist.

I feel ya.

I know what you're sayin'.

At least your husband is in law enforcement. You must have more resources to protect yourself from dangers.

Sometimes, you do make a difference. It is not black and white. Sometimes, it is a leap of faith. More than not, you were a fool for trying..............but ..........what if........


that is the death of me...............






but..............









what if?.......................  

At 9:32 AM,  Anonymous said...
Hi, this is Lorrie a/k/a Anonymous. Didn't mean to freak ya out, sugah! You posted a few weeks ago about your trip to Columbia. I just stared and my jaw dropped. You were so close!! I graduated from Irmo High School...and live about 5 minutes away..I wish we could have met!! I'd love to have lunch with you if you ever come back this way.  

At 5:08 PM,  Anonymous said...
I had a friend that anytime I called her on something she didn't want anything to do with me... until she needed a favor.

There are just some people in this world that want stuff from you, but your not allowed to be honest in return. You're suppose to give and never question.

Kathy sounds like one of those people.

I'm thinking what would I do. I'd be temptedto call kathy back, but really, what would that do? You already told her how you felt and she didn't want to hear it. So, I think now, more than ever, I would hand deliever a gift to a needy child somewhere in your community. Or another thought-- donate books to a teacher in a needy school in your community. Teachers are typically short on books and they are the ones constantly encouraging lowere SES children TO READ.

Happy holidays, my friend.

Marla
Middle Way  

At 7:28 PM,  Julianna said...
Lorrie! Damn. Now it is all clear, I had posted about shopping with my mother in Columbia and of course you would have known exactly where I was. Next time I come to S.C., I'll let you know (possibly April) and I would love to have lunch with you, as long as it is at Lizard's Thicket or Maurice's or S&S unless you are like my sister who refuses to eat at Maurice's. Did my take on the south offend you or surprise you in any way? I was starting to feel a little guilty about slamming the south too much. I miss so many things about S.C.. Thank you for coming out of the anon closet. Take care.


Marla, that is such a great idea about taking books or supplies to teachers. My sister works in the school system and is constantly having to buy things for her lessons out of her own pocket. Perhaps a Staples gift certificate so they could get supplies? Thank you for the idea.  

At 8:25 PM,  Anonymous said...
Hi, Lorrie here again!!

Heck no, I loved your "home again" blog. I lived in NYC for 2 years in the 80s and I know exactly how you feel coming home. You have to get out of the South to see it clearly when you come home, I think. It's a weird and wonderful place. It's home. It's completely unexplainable to those who grew up elsewhere as you know so well :)

I'll tell you a little about myself. I'm 45, a lawyer-turned college instructor at a small community college. I am married and did the infertility march through hell. I adopted 2 kids from China. They are 4 and 6. I totally support your decision not to adopt though--I understand about the genetic ties. My husband was sterile anyway from fighting cancer as a teenager so we couldn't have our DNA anyway.

Anyway, my email is carolinagirls AT sc.rr.com Love to hear from you, and I'll eat anywhere you want! You gotta eat the good stuff when you come home.  

At 9:19 AM,  Anonymous said...
Staples is great. I always love GC to Borders or book stores. That and teacher supply stores, such as Lakeshore.

Now I really must go and clean!

XO

Marla  

At 2:13 PM,  Anonymous said...
Some other anonymous person said:

"My question is, how can we help the people like that? People who view assistance as a temporary situation and they are trying to get back on their feet?"

I feel the same way. Hand up, not a hand out, and all that. So every year my office works with the Displaced Homemakers office at a local training school and we become their "Santa" that year. It's *very* important to us to help someone who is trying to work their way out of a bad situation, and this works very well.

Tracy (tracybob_one at yahoooo dot com)