First off, blogger sucks. I had a post earlier that was more clever and then it got eaten. I am now running short on time and must type quickly if I am to get out the door for my two hour drive to my doctor's appointment.

In the meantime, Christine at blogmoxie has made me a PURTY template that is all about me and flowers and vintage baby shoes and I am sure she is having a hard time turning my templates over but when she does, just tell me how pretty I am..... that always makes me feel better.

Now, where was I before I was so rudely erased.........


Everyone who knows me, knows not to call my house before 10:00 a.m. or 9:00 a.m. if it is very important so when my phone rang at 6:50 a.m. this morning I wondered what was wrong.

It was my mother and she was crying - immediately I thought that my dog died because she has been suffering some ills lately. My mother has had my sweet Chelsea Belle since I got married 4 years ago.

Finally my mother got it out, my cousin was found dead this morning. Now, since my grandmother had my mother at the age of 46, most of my cousins are my mother's age. We have a huge family (there are at least 150 people at our family reunions) and this is the first of all of the grandchildren to pass away. It is ironic that I come from the family of "the accidental pregnancies" yet I am so barren. Anyone who has been reading my blog, has heard me speak of Aunt Chessie (when I post recipes, those are usually hers), well Tom was Aunt Chessie's oldest of six children. Everyone is completely shocked and devastated. My mother asked if I could come home.

M. has been extremely ill with the flu the past few days. He is never sick and has missed work since Monday. His fever ranges from 101- 102.5. He is going to the doctor this afternoon if he can't shake the fever. I have been doing what any loving wife would do and have been avoiding him like the plague. I give him nutrients with oven mits on my hands.

I have an appointment this afternoon for my lupron challenge stuff, they are going to draw my blood and then give me lupron and a syringe and give me a specific time tonight to inject myself (thrills) and then I am to get my blood drawn again tomorrow at an exact time. I really don't know what the fuck it all does, I am just following doctor's orders.

M. said that I should look into plane tickets. I just can't.

I don't want to be held back a whole month when I start my period again and I am also worried that his virus may be invading my body any day now and that is the last thing they need at the funeral, not to mention flying across country at the risk of being ill. M. is terribly sick and although I am taking as many precautions as I can, I will be very surprised if I don't catch his bug.

Was it just a few days that I was speaking of my happiness? Did I force the shit radar on my head because I was bold enough to brag of my good fortune?


F.U.C.K.