That is what it feels like............like waiting for the Governor to call with a stay of execution.

Out of the 17, 14 were mature and as of this morning, 13 have fertilized.

THIRTEEN HAVE FERTILIZED!!!! Please let there be at least one good one. PLEASE!

I think I have worked myself up into an ulcer....I have been awake since 6:30 and all of the terrible memories of IVF #1 repeated themselves over and over and over again in my mind. We got the call last time that nothing fertilized so of course, that was my fear. Even though we did ICSI this time, I still was afraid of a repeat.

My past haunts me. The desperate rescue ICSI at 23 hours post retrieval last time ended up with 9 fertilized eggs. PGD study revealed ALL of them to be so severely chromosomally abnormal that even the embryologist got dry heaves.

All of my eggs are in this basket. I am betting that rescue ICSI causes severe abnormalities. This is the study that my maternal life depends on:

Rescue ICSI of unfertilized oocytes after IVF
W. Kuczyski1,3,5, M. Dhont4, C. Grygoruk1,3, P. Pietrewicz3, S. Redzko2 and
M. Szamatowicz1
1 Department of Gynecology and 2 Department of Perinatology, Bialystok
Medical University, Sklodowskiej 24A, Bialystok 15–276, 3
Cryobank–Infertility Center, Bialystok, Poland and 4 Infertility Center,
Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, Ghent University Hospital, Belgium

BACKGROUND: Failed fertilization after IVF occurs in 10–20% of cycles.
Conflicting results of rescue fertilization by ICSI have been reported. We
therefore compared the success rate in terms of fertilization and pregnancy
of cycles in which rescue ICSI was performed with those from a matched
control group of primarily ICSI cycles. METHODS: Unfertilized oocytes from
IVF cycles with total fertilization failure where at least four metaphase II
oocytes were available were treated by ICSI (group I; n = 120). A matched
control group was established with patients undergoing ICSI during the same
period (group II; n = 280). RESULTS: Both fertilization rate and the
proportion of embryos with four blastomeres on day 2 after ICSI were
significantly higher in the control group (P < 0.05). Embryo quality,
however, was comparable in both groups. The pregnancy rate in the control
group was 25.3% whereas in group I with rescue ICSI, no pregnancy was
obtained. CONCLUSIONS: Although unfertilized oocytes after IVF can be
fertilized by ICSI, the developmental potential of the ensuing embryos is
very poor. Therefore, rescue ICSI after total failure of fertilization is
not recommended.

With IVF#1, either my eggs didn't get fertilized initially because they were severely abnormal or something simple was wrong (eggshell too thick or sperm not quite strong enough).

If my eggs are indeed cooked, none of these will be okay.

If we just needed a little help breaking through my eggshell, this could be excellent.

I begged, borrowed and sold myself to my husband to convince him to try one more time.

I could not accept being a 65 year old woman and looking back on my life and wondering if we were so close.

Now we will know.

Needless to say, I am no longer in my pool of calm. Now I can freak out and I am. I will get in my pool of calm again in a few days if I am lucky enough to get to transfer with this IVF.

Transfer is the line that I need to cross over. One step at a time. If I get to know what transfer is like, I will have progressed.

I need to keep my eye on the trail. I see an occupant for my nursery in the far distance if I can just keep stepping forward. Baby steps people, baby steps.